i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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