how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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