Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
