I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
