guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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