So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
