Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
