remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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