Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
