I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
