Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
