I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
