We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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