You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
