do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
