Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
