i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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