If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize