Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He better not be in your backpack
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
