he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
