I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can't turn off my feet"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
