I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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