she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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