I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
