Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
