remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
