party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I love you. Go after that dick
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
