Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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