I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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