i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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