Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
