the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
