I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
