I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
