i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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