You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
