Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
