Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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