i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
