My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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