i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
