I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
