He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
