ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
