New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
