So drunk its hurt
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
