wrigley field is MILF paradise
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
