i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
