I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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