He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
