It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
