my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
