I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I need to calm my uterus...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
