The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
