I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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