Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can't put those talents on a resume
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
