So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can't put those talents on a resume
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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