there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
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It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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