We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
