I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
