my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
