ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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