It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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