even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
