I heard we made out
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
