shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
