Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
