Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
